皆さん!
Hope you've all been well! As per Utah volatility, everything's cooled down quite a bit. It actually feels like Washington - white skies, drizzling rain, humidity and a slight chill in the air... it's comfy. I kind of missed it. ...Is that weird?
Because of the cloud cover, one of my companions has taken to drinking a lot of juice - he says it's for the vitamin C, but I'm pretty sure it's just because it tastes good (although, can confirm - cranberry apple juice is fantastic, even with a fruit allergy!). All the more power to him!
Hey, I know a lot of times these emails and letters back to you all can seem like sunshine and rainbows, but there's a lot that goes into the mission that maybe we don't see beneath the hood at times. Believe me, it's a lot of fun - and I've seen so many miracles while I've been here, and the joy I've been able to feel has been life changing. I've come so much closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as a result, and I'm forever grateful for this opportunity.
That being said, there are weeks where we get discouraged. Where things seem hopelessly difficult. This week has been one of those. I've seen so many miracles this week as I've pushed forwards - but it was riddled with struggles and chaos. Last Saturday, I got sick with a cold - nothing new. I pushed through it and did some service for some members of the ward, and then almost passed out. Turns out I had blown up my cold through overexertion and heat exhaustion.
It took me out for most of the next week. I could barely get out of bed - but I forced myself to. We attended church last Sunday, but after two of our ward mission leaders saw me - Brother and Sister Pergler - they urged me to receive a Priesthood blessing. Afterwards, they took us home and forced me to get some rest. They brought over lunch later, too - they're amazing. Love them a ton!
I asked for another one on Tuesday when symptoms didn't get much better. I felt impressed to have Elder Thompson give it - and what he said in that blessing was exactly what I needed at the time. And what's amazing about one who's in tune with the Spirit and speaking from the Spirit… there were a lot of personal things within the blessing that I had never told anyone - and had only prayed about. I know for a surety the Lord is watching over us and is listening to our prayers. Recovery was still slow… but I'm feeling much better. I could feel your prayers and support - you all are amazing.
But that wasn't even the end of it. With sickness comes being locked indoors. My focus was to make sure we were still being effective, and that Elder Gibson was able to continue to work at maximum efficiency. But being trapped indoors creates a little bit of friction - and Elder Gibson and I had some struggles this week. But we talked about it together - and we were able to come to an understanding and feel an increase of unity together.
It's hard being a trainer. It's hard being a district leader. My mind is constantly focused on them - how to help my district, especially Elder Gibson, to become the best missionaries that they can be. It's fun, for sure - but it's hard. It's a lot of work. I have to keep going.
So there's been a lot on my mind this week. I've spent a lot of time on my knees… when I was physically capable to do so, anyways. But I've felt the Lord's presence strengthening me, helping me to find peace and solace. There have been many times where I've found my burdens being lifted, and revelation flows as a fountain of light and faith.
Discouragement, I've found, comes in waves. Sometimes it comes in paths and routes we don't expect, and in bursts of such strength that at times, it feels hopeless. But at times, I think the Lord expects us to keep going… even if sometimes, keeping on going means resting for a short while. It's a frustrating lesson I've had to learn this past week. There are times I feel like I'm not doing enough - last week being a prime example. But the Lord knows our capabilities - after all, He knows us perfectly. I've always thought of it as a graph - where as we continue to move forward through life, our abilities increase. And yet, the Lord's expectations follow that graph exactly - but just a little bit above.
Wait, what? If the Lord knows us perfectly, and knows exactly what we're capable of, why would he ever expect anything more than that? Why would he constantly expect results above what we are capable of?
The truth of the matter is that the Lord wants to help us. No loving older brother would ever leave his younger siblings to struggle alone. It's as it's written in James 1:5 - "If any of you lack wisdom, let Him ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." The Lord is willing to bless us with so much - but it's predicated on our asking. He wants to help us, but He can only do so if we are willing to accept His help.
Think of it like a present. Jesus Christ has already held it out for us to take - but we have to choose to grab it. We have to choose to accept it. Otherwise, the present just hangs there. If He were to throw the present at us, it still wouldn't be open. It would just be there, still - tied up in a bow, the present waiting inside. We have to accept the gift. Open it up. Take the present out… and utilize it. Otherwise, it's a nice box.
Thus, the Lord expects us to act. He wants us to accept what He offers, but we have to act in order to do so. And yet, just as when someone gives a gift, they expect it to be opened, the Lord's expectations are set higher above what we could do… without his help. His hopes are that we utilize what He offers - His Atonement. After all, it was not just a one-time suffering for our sins. I've referenced this scripture before, and by heck will I reference it again:
"And He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith He shall take upon Him the pains and afflictions of His people.
And He shall take upon Him death; that He may loose the bonds of death which bind His people; and He will take upon Him their infirmities, that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know how to succor His people according to Their infirmities."
This passage, out of Alma 7 within the Book of Mormon, makes it clear - the Atoning sacrifice, paid for with drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, was never meant to just be an offering for sin. This was meant to turn sympathy to empathy - a way to allow the Lord to feel and know each and every emotion, pain, and struggle we would ever face in this world. Was this - taking upon Him the suffering of the world - necessary to overcome sin? Perhaps. After all, it is truly knowing us that allows Him to stand as our advocate with the Father in the day of judgment - to plead our case and our repentance. But I'm of the belief that wasn't the primary purpose.
Have you ever been frustrated with someone? Have you ever thought, "If I could only get into their head! Then I could understand how I can help them to become better."
Is this not the same?
The Lord, above all, loves us. If He didn't, it is my belief that He would have never gone through the grueling, agonizing hours within the Garden of Gethsemane. And because He loves us, He won't abandon us. He wants to help us. He is our Shepherd, the Great Redeemer - the Prince of Peace, and Savior of the World. He took upon our tribulations and our sorrows so he could heal us. To bind our broken hearts. To mend our shattered souls. And to ultimately, innately understand us - how we feel, what our circumstances are, what we are struggling with. He knows it because He has descended below it all - and is helping to push us upwards.
Are we worthy of redemption? Yes. Absolutely yes.
Paul writes in his epistle to the Romans:
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine… or peril, or sword? … Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."
The Savior Himself said it himself: "What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which as lost."
No one is ever beyond redemption. His arms are outstretched still. His gift - the Atonement - is still there.
Reach out. Take it. Open it. Use it. He suffered for you. You are loved. You are worthy of being loved.
It is my belief that He would have done it all again if it were for even just a single one of us.
"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." - Isaiah 53:3-5
Take care, everyone - you all are amazing.
Elder Decker
デッカー長老
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